Part 2: Setting Boundaries in Friendships & Community Spaces
- Vince Wishart
- Apr 4
- 4 min read
Welcome back to LoveAlive.ca’s boundaries series! In Part 1, we covered family and work dynamics—now, let’s talk about friendships and community.
Introduction: Are Your Friendships Costing You More Than They Give?
Think about your closest friends. Do they lift you up—or do they leave you feeling like you’ve just run an emotional marathon?
Do you have a friend who only reaches out when they need something?
Have you ever canceled plans just to avoid a draining social obligation?
Does your group chat feel like a 24/7 demand on your energy?
Have you stayed in a lopsided friendship because you’re afraid of being “selfish”?
Do you feel guilty when you take time for yourself instead of saying “yes” to everyone?
Real talk: Friendships shouldn’t feel like unpaid labor.
At LoveAlive.ca, we know how hard it is to set boundaries with people you care about. Maybe you’ve told yourself:
“I don’t want to hurt their feelings.”
“If I say no, they’ll think I’m a bad friend.”
“This is just how our group is—I have to deal with it.”
But here’s what we want you to know: The right people will respect your limits.
In this guide, you’ll learn:🔹 How to spot a one-sided friendship (and what to do about it)🔹 Why community boundaries are just as crucial as romantic/family ones🔹 Scripts to say “no” without burning bridges🔹 When it’s time to quietly step back—and how to do it with love
This isn’t about cutting people off—it’s about creating connections that actually fill your cup. Let’s dive in.
In our relationship courses like Revitalizing Relationships we always ask: “Who is the most important person in a relationship?” That’s right; You! Your relationship with yourself is most important.
“To the extent that you are capable of being with your own emotions is the extent that you will be capable of being with another's”
Sue Johnson of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
From well-meaning friends who overstep to social obligations that drain you, community boundaries are just as crucial. As Nedra Tawwab says:
“The quality of your life depends on the quality of your boundaries.”
Why Friendships & Community Need Boundaries
We often assume friendships should be effortless, but even the closest relationships need limits. Without them, you might experience:
One-sided friendships (always giving, never receiving)
Social burnout (dreading gatherings out of obligation)
Emotional dumping (friends treating you like a free therapist)
Healthy boundaries ensure:✔ Mutual respect (not just convenience)✔ Authentic connections (no people-pleasing)✔ Energy protection (you can’t pour from an empty cup)
Setting Boundaries with Friends
1. Recognize Unhealthy Patterns
They cancel plans last-minute repeatedly.
They vent constantly but never ask how you are.
They guilt-trip you for saying no.
Ask yourself: Does this friendship energize or exhaust me?
2. Communicate with Kindness
For flaky friends: “I value our time together, but last-minute cancellations don’t work for me.”
For emotional overload: “I care about you, but I don’t have the capacity for heavy talks right now.”
For unequal effort: “I’d love it if you initiated plans sometimes.”
3. Know When to Distance Yourself
If a friend consistently disrespects your boundaries:
See them less often.
Keep conversations light.
Let the friendship fade naturally if needed.
Remember: Not every friendship is meant to last forever—and that’s okay.
Setting Boundaries in Community Spaces
Whether it’s social groups, volunteer work, or online communities, communal boundaries prevent resentment.
1. Define Your Capacity
Social events: “I can only attend one gathering per month.”
Volunteer work: “I’m happy to help, but only for 2 hours/week.”
Online engagement: “I won’t respond to DMs after 9 PM.”
2. Say No Without Guilt
“I appreciate the invite, but I can’t commit.”
“That’s not a priority for me right now.”
“I need to step back from this role.”
3. Handle Pushback
Some may call you “selfish”—but your time is yours to give, not theirs to demand.
When to Walk Away
If a friendship or community constantly:
Leaves you feeling drained
Disregards your stated limits
Makes you feel guilty for having needs
…It might be time to distance yourself.
Final Thoughts: Boundaries Set You Free
Boundaries Are Love in Action. Setting boundaries isn’t about shutting people out—it’s about showing up authentically in your relationships. Remember the 4 C’s we shared in Part 1? They apply here too:
Clarity
“I need friendships where effort goes both ways.”
Communication
“I’m not available for last-minute plans, but I’d love to schedule something in advance.”
Consistency
If a friend repeatedly crosses a line, gently restate your boundary (“Like I mentioned before…”).
Consequences
“If you keep canceling last-minute, I’ll need to step back from making plans.”
Boundaries aren’t selfish—they’re the foundation of healthy love. When you honor your needs, you give others permission to do the same.
How Your Attachment Style Affects Boundary-Setting
Anxious Preoccupied: Struggles to say no (fears rejection). Tendency: Over-gives, then feels drained.
Avoidant Dismissive: Sets rigid walls instead of boundaries. Tendency: Withdraws rather than communicates needs.
Fearful-Avoidant: Flips between clinginess and detachment. Tendency: Confuses boundaries with "being mean."
Secure: Comfortable with clarity and consequences. Tendency: States needs calmly and enforces limits.
The good news? Attachment styles aren’t fate. By practicing the 4 C’s:
(Clarity, Communication, Consistency, Consequences), you can rewire old patterns—one boundary at a time. When you think of consequences, think:
“For every action, there is an equal or opposite reaction”
💛 Your Challenge This Week:
Pick one relationship where you’ve felt drained, and practice one C. Notice what shifts.
With love and courage,The LoveAlive Team
P.S. Missed Part 1? [Read it here] to learn how to set boundaries with family and work!
Healthy relationships—whether with family, friends, or coworkers—thrive on mutual respect. By setting boundaries, you honor yourself and inspire others to do the same.
Your challenge this week: Practice saying “no” to one thing that drains you.
💛 The LoveAlive Team
Want More?
Check out our free boundary-setting guide or join our Revitalizing Relationships for support!
Here is a You Tube we did about our Revitalizing Relationships course
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